When a Ginger Snaps

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You are alone. Scary, right? It’s true. I woke up at 40 years old and this reality hit me like a truck. I am alone.

That doesn’t mean that I don’t have anybody. It doesn’t mean that you don’t have anybody. What it means is that when life gets real and you face the hardest obstacles, the only one you can really count on to be there and be honest with you every second of every day is YOU. It’s depressing if you think about it. In life, when you fall into a ditch, NO ONE is obligated to dig you out except for you. More importantly, only truly loyal people will pick up a shovel or throw you a rope.

Loyal people are a rare gem and my wish for every person is to have at least one. Just one loyal person. Think about the last major tragedy in your life. Who sent you a token, “Let me know if you need anything,” text or social media message? Now, ask yourself, of those people who actually showed up (physically or emotionally) and did something specific to support you? These are “your people” and blowing them off or taking them for granted is a huge mistake. To quote my dad, “You never know who your real friends are until you break your neck.” I rolled my eyes at that when I was young. Then the day came when I understood. I wish I’d listened sooner.

We all need support in life but it’s imperative you are able to trust yourself to handle it alone. If you are expecting others to pick up the slack you will end up really sad and disappointed when they don’t follow through. Be cautious with setting expectations of others. It’s a painful let down to assume someone will be there for you. Then, you realize they aren’t and it usually happens during a time when you need them the most.

You are probably asking yourself, “Why am I reading this? It’s so depressing! “Keep reading, it doesn’t stay that way. What I’ve come to realize is that the decision about who and what we build our life around determines whether we struggle together or alone. There isn’t another human being more committed to your survival than you. Not your spouse, siblings, parents, co-workers or friends. In fact, choosing to allow anyone or anything toxic in your life, regardless of their relationship to you, will eventually have a damaging effect on you. Putting another human being before your core needs will destroy you. This just means one very important thing; choose your people wisely and for the love of sanity, listen to your gut!

How well do you understand people? I don’t mean the kind of pizza they like or how they take their coffee. I mean, how well do you know the heart of a person? Do you pay attention to how they treat others? It really matters. If they treat others badly, you are not immune. If they lie to their spouse, they will lie to you. If they gossip about others, they gossip about you too. The key is finding the best humans out there and make them, “your people.” Treasure them and step up for them the way they do for you. Everyone else that comes into your life is a lesson. I’ve learned a lot of lessons the hard way, especially when it comes to people. Everyone has a place in our life and not everyone gets the privilege of being front and center.

This blog is about lessons. It’s about connecting with the right people and walking away from the wrong ones. This blog is about exploring every side of myself with the hope that I can inspire others along the way. It’s written with raw honesty and brutal truths. This blog is about me, my life and my story of survival.

I hit emotional rock bottom, felt buried in sadness and disappointment. I was disgusted enough to throw in the towel and end my life. I’ve never felt so low and it terrified me. I held 3 bottles of pills in my hand, sitting at the foot of my bed, pondering. I felt empty. I felt like I would be doing everyone a favor if I just went to sleep for good. I sought help the prior year after ending up in the hospital ER with horrific anxiety and uncontrollable vomiting which was an unexpected attack and had never happened to me before. Mental healthcare resources are lacking where I live, with wait lists several months long so they gave me drugs instead until I could talk to someone about ongoing care. I refused to take them so they sat on the shelf until that day. Xanax, Trazadone, Ambien and a few Tramadol for good measure. I had the ability to settle into nothingness. After a lot of tears and facing the fact that I’m way too much of a fighter (plus I hate taking pills), I got angry instead. Anger is not always good but it has its place and is motivating sometimes. I made a decision in that moment that I needed a change and fast.

I broke up with Corporate America on April 20, 2016. There were so many reasons to celebrate 420 that day and believe me, I celebrated! I was DONE, especially with the casino industry. Since then, I’ve been on the ultimate journey to find true inner happiness and a better understanding of what got me here in the first place. Who am I and what do I want to do with my life?  More importantly, who do I want to invest myself in?

I am 41 years old, married to the love of my life. We live in Laughlin, Nevada with our 3 dogs. Our pack includes Whiskey, our 10 year old Chocolate Labrador, Dexter, our 3 year old Chiweenie and Petey, our Mini Dachshund puppy who’ll be a year old in September. I work more than ever now that I left my day job but I do most of it from home. Better yet, I am only giving energy to what I feel passionate about. I started a small crafting business using left over materials from my wedding planner days and I sell my wares on Etsy. You can check out my store at Ginger’s Hippie Shack.

Trying to balance building art and marketing is a daily challenge but I learn new things all the time. Writing this blog just adds to the fun. I drive for Uber in Laughlin, NV during peak tourist season for extra money. It’s a great networking opportunity for business and meeting new people. I’m not getting rich but my mileage is a tax write off and it gives us some cash when money is tight. I quit corporate America, remember?

I spend my days with my 3 dogs who are all full of energy and have such distinct, crazy personalities. They are my world. When humans disappoint me, my fur babies make it better. I also dog sit for a friend sometimes. Doggie swim parties are a regular thing in our house!

When I’m not Ubering, crafting or vacuuming pet fur, I keep busy in the kitchen. I love to cook and I’m not too shy to say I’m good at it. Food is love in my world and my history of obesity proves that. Don’t let my red hair and freckles fool you. This Irish girl can rock some Carnitas street tacos! I heart food, period.

I do not fit into a box. My life is a trial and error… “Trial by Ginger” is a blog you’ll enjoy if you can relate to being a 40 something person just trying to be a good human and get through the day. As you follow me, I’ll take you down a reflective journey and rediscover the impact of major events that shaped who I am today and who I continue to strive to be. I am grateful to you for joining me on this journey.

8 thoughts on “When a Ginger Snaps

  1. I found your blog in the middle of the night and said to myself I’ll just read the first few sentences, should sleep… then suddenly I found myself having read through the post. I just couldn’t stop reading it. I’m absolutely coming back to read more 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

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