First Ultrasound – Reality!

I found out I was pregnant after taking 2 home tests then verifying with a blood test at my hematologist office the next day. I had to wait 10 days to see my OBGYN because I was already booked to travel for 8 days.

In my last entry, Oh, Baby., I shared that I had health issues earlier this year and worked hard to restore it. I have been keeping a journal since the beginning of January to get my health on track. Part of my recovery meant a huge dietary change and it truly saved my life and helped me to learn the difference between fuel and garbage. After a lifetime of adjusting my diet 100 different ways, I was still without proper information because there is so much out there and everyone has a different theory.

Obviously, candy and cupcakes are “garbage” in the nutrition category but there is so much “garbage” on the market telling us the wrong foods to eat. Just because it’s sugar free doesn’t make it healthy and the fat free trend of the 80’s contributed to my obesity because if it’s fat free they pump it full of sugar to make it a palatable food. Fat free ranch on your salad isn’t helping, I promise, it’s adding to the problem. If you are going to eat ranch, eat ranch. Boxed breakfast cereal with “whole grains” is the worst food ever and not a healthy breakfast for ANYONE. Read the ingredients and understand whats packed into that box. Can you pronounce everything? How many different names did they give for sugar in the ingredients list?

When I look back on my childhood and how many days I had cereal for breakfast and dinner, I can easily identify why I was obese. My single Dad in a wheelchair was definitely not up for cooking every night after a full work day so if it wasn’t fast food, it was cereal. Raisin Bran, Life Cereal and Cheerios is not good. It’s just not. Neither are 100 calorie packs. The question is, what is in those 100 calories? How many chemicals am I ingesting? Skim milk isn’t going to change a thing. Boxed foods are processed crap that looks like a fabulous way to feed your kids and the calories are low so why not? I was that kid and I do miss my cereal but I’ll never eat it again. It’s not worth it.

I’ve learned to move away from all named diet trends, even the ones that mean immediate weight loss. I’ve spent more time focused on trying to understand what makes my body go. Mostly that means that fancy labels catering to commercial diets are a no-no. I eat as naturally as I can. My only downfall is pizza and I eat it once a week and gladly pay the price. It’s worth it to me and I make no apologies except for the hour after I eat it when I beg my body for forgiveness, LOL.

That said, after having gastric bypass my body does not process sugars, natural or otherwise and gluten is the devil because it has the same effect on me. Unfortunately, this means candy bars, apples and whole grains don’t agree with my body. Even quinoa causes me pain if I don’t balance it with an animal protein. I learned a lot about protein and how the plant base trend contributed to my problem. I was having digestive issues in 2017 and wondered if it was caused by meat so I went to a vegetarian diet for a year. I ate all plant based proteins, fruits and vegetables. Sounds healthy, right? Wrong! That led me to a huge protein deficiency that only steak and chicken could fix. Those are all good foods but we have teeth for a reason and the food chain says we need animal protein. I’ll never deprive myself that way again. My doctor said, “I understand why you decided to eat that way but don’t fucking do it again.” Yes, he said, “dont fucking do it again,” verbatim. I chose him because he is a straight shooter and I like that.

In fact, plant based animal protein is often full of carbohydrates too and I’ve already shared that carbohydrates are not my friend unless they are consumed with animal protein for balance. Yes, even legumes and spinach can cause me a hypoglycemic reaction when consumed without animal protein. I am probably making your vegan or vegetarian ears bleed but the proof was in the pudding. Those foods did not nourish me properly and caused me to be pale grey, sick and protein deficient. I recently looked at a picture of myself from 7 months ago and it made me cry. I wish someone would have told me how terrible I looked. Instead, I got praised for being so skinny and was the envy of other women who joked and called me a bitch because I had lost so much weight. So many asked what I was doing to get so thin. I was not trying to lose weight but 40 pounds fell off and I was down to 145. I carry about 40 pounds of loose skin as a result of my weight loss surgery so 145 is really ugly on me. You could see my rib cage through my chest and my face was sunken in. My eyes were bulging and I had dark circles no matter how much I slept. I had absolutely no physical strength and my motivation was dead. On the surface, skinny was pretty to others but I felt really, really ugly. That only contributed to my isolation. To be fair, my uncle expressed his worry over and over. He loved me enough to tell me the truth about how bad I looked and I will always appreciate that! The moral of the story is. I heart steak and I eat it often. My cholesterol and blood pressure have never been an issue as a result so I will continue to enjoy the nutritional benefits of a medium rare ribeye. Yum, yum.

My lower intestine has been bypassed and no longer functions in a normal way. The moment I consume sugar or carbohydrates, my body separates the sugar, drops it into my lower intestine without being broken down properly and it sends my pancreas into overdrive and it dumps insulin. My blood sugar spikes immediately, then drops into the 30’s and 40’s and I become a zombie, inconsolably angry or so irritated I can’t even make the decision to feed myself. Being around me in this condition is a real treat. I spent years treating this condition by eating glucose tabs the moment I felt a symptom coming on which meant a tingly tongue, feeling disoriented and sweating. I am not diabetic and it’s physically impossible for me to be diabetic because of this procedure but I suffer from chronic hypoglycemia that can make me so crazy they misdiagnosed me with bipolar disorder. The highs and lows were awful. I have struggled with emotional trauma and truly thought I was going crazy. I started to isolate myself and withdraw socially. Adjusting my diet restored my sanity and mental health. I quit the therapist who misdiagnosed me with bipolar disorder and have found a healthier outlet to manage my emotional stress. That incorrect diagnosis only added to my mental health concerns. I’m in a much better place today.

Initially, my endocrinologist suggested I don’t eat anything unless it swims, runs or flies, along with fat. This removed all carbohydrates and allowed me to test what happened when I added them back later. It was a rough 14 days. I ate a minimum of 6 times a day and tested my blood sugar 3 times after every meal. That meant I was checking my blood sugar 18 times a day for 14 days. I felt like that I was all I was doing. I love meat but eating only meat, butter and oil was torture. I was missing a side of broccoli here and there or a salad and couldn’t understand why he didn’t want me to eat those things.

During that time he also prescribed 100,000 IU of D3 a week and 2 prenatal vitamins a day to boost my overall nutrition. I added a fiber supplement because I was not getting enough with my diet. Most people who hear that think it’s excessive but they do not understand that I only absorb a small portion of what I consume so I have to double or triple supplements for them to be effective. This turned out to be a blessing in disguise because I have been taking pre-natal vitamins since before I knew I was pregnant and I’ve never missed a day because I was trying so hard to get myself back. Luckily, this means I’ve been taking prenatal vitamins for my entire pregnancy rather than missing the first several weeks because I didn’t know I was pregnant yet – bonus!

After 14 days of eating only animal protein and logging my blood sugar trend, my endocrinologist suggested I still eat primarily protein and no more than 12g of carbohydrates per meal. Doing that changed my life. I have added lots of veggies back to my diet and stayed away from fruit for awhile. Now that I’m pregnant I do eat fruit but I always complement it with a protein so it doesn’t cause the hypoglycemia. I can have it in moderation but I have to be careful. Pineapple kicked my ass yesterday and I had to eat a glucose tab because my blood sugar tanked. Fortunately for me, this pregnancy has made me hungry rather than sick so I’m eating every 1-2 hours but I am fueling myself with the good stuff.

We have learned that I could live on an iron rich diet of steak, spinach and dark leafy greens, etc. but my body does not absorb any iron at all. This is because when they bypassed that lower intestine, it cut out the part of my digestive tract that absorbs iron. When I was tested in January I had zero iron in my red blood cells and my organs were not being properly oxygenated. My liver and kidneys were not functioning properly and while I don’t have heart issues. the doctor told me not to do any activity that was strenuous because I was not receiving enough oxygen to my heart and could easily have a heart attack with mild cardio. That’s a scary message to receive at 43.

The anemia was bad but I was also iron deficient which means that I had zero iron in my “stores.” I had no idea that anemia and iron deficiency were 2 different conditions and I struggle with both. The solution was iron infusions through an IV at the chemo center. I went once a week for an infusion for 14 weeks until my levels were normal. I now go for blood work every 6 weeks to check my levels and have a treatment the moment anything comes in low. I’ll have to maintain this for the rest of my life. Roux en y gastric bypass is so invasive and I wish I had known more 12 years ago because I would have made a different decision for myself. I went through an invasive surgery which forced me to eat a certain way. I wish I had known better and made the dietary adjustments without surgery. The outcome would have been the same in terms of my weight loss but I wouldn’t have the life long side effects of this surgery. Those side effects are crippling at times.

To add to the fun, I also have hypo-thyroid and Hashimotos disease which is an autoimmune disease that attacks the thyroid until it no longer functions. As a result of having this illness since I was a teen and not properly treating it, I have a completely non functional thyroid and that little butterfly thing in your throat rules the universe. If your thyroid doesn’t work, neither does your body, especially the female body because it regulates EVERYTHING. I have masses on my thyroid that you can feel from the outside and the initial concern was that I had thyroid cancer. I went through a series of testing and an ultrasound which ruled that out, thankfully. I will have to have those masses monitored for the rest of my life because there is always an elevated cancer risk with thyroid disease.

Thyroid disease also causes iron deficiency so regardless of how much iron they put in my veins, my body would not store it because my thyroid would not allow it. We solved this with a thyroid hormone replacement medication. Taking that medication replaced the hormone that my thyroid no longer provided and allowed my body to absorb that iron properly. Gastric bypass surgery and Hashimotos disease both have similar symptoms and actually work against each other. My entire endocrine system was a mess and so was I. I felt like an emotional wreck all the time, tired, and angry. It was my constant state no matter what I did. Now that my iron is restored, my thyroid hormones have been replaced and I’ve removed foods that cause hypoglycemia, I feel like a whole new person.

Since the thyroid regulates everything, it also played a part in my female hormones. When I went to my OBGYN in January, all testing showed I was infertile (Very low FSH) and periomenopausal. Once I started eating well and corrected my thyroid, malnutrition, and restored my iron, my female hormones kicked back into full gear and surprised us all. My FSH levels elevated again and that’s how I got pregnant.

I still have symptoms of periomenopause and the worst is the insane night sweats that force me to change my clothes throughout the night, every night and soak my pillowcases, sheets, comforter and mattress cover which I had to invest in to protect my bed. There is no feeling sexy when you have sweat dripping off every part of your body nonstop the entire time you are sleeping. I never knew my toes could sweat but at 2am, they drip. It’s absolutely disgusting. My husband is so good about it. He tells me every day, “Being a girl rocks!!” He has definitely watched my uphill battle and shared a bed with me regardless. I appreciate him for that because I can’t even stand to sleep with myself right now.

My last lab results on May 10th showed that after 5 months of consistent work and lifestyle change, I am in perfect health and all my levels are right where they need to be. My Hematologists exact words were, “you may not have intended to get pregnant but if it makes you feel better, you are the epitome of health and a prime incubator, congratulations, Mama!” It was funny but it wasn’t funny. Yesterday, My OBGYN concurred. My health is optimal for my age and I’m in the best possible place to maintain a healthy pregnancy. Lucky for me, I feel great! I have not been sick much at all and my energy levels are high.

I know my cycle very well and I keep a calendar in an app on my phone. In 43 years, all sexual partners included, I have never had a moment where I thought I might be pregnant and I have always been proactive with birth control. I take that back, when my husband and I were dating I had a week where my period was late and I wondered but the concern was immediately alleviated. I just started my cycle late. When I found out I was pregnant I was able to look at the calendar and see that my IUD was removed on 2/19/19 and based on my missed cycle, I calculated my due date as 12/13/19. I’ve been waiting for confirmation of that and yesterday was the day.

I went to my first OBGYN appointment. They told me on the phone it would only be a urine test and pelvic exam so I told my husband he was ok to go to work because they didn’t have an ultrasound scheduled. This was supposed to be a confirmation appointment only. When I arrived for my appointment, my OBGYN was shocked and did not want to proceed with an exam without an ultrasound. I was by myself and upset that he wasn’t there. I wasn’t upset with him. I was upset that he was going to miss it. I called him and told him what was happening and of course he wanted me to go ahead and do what was needed. They were concerned about my age, medical history and wanted to see what was going on with my pregnancy.

I laid on the ultrasound table and closed my eyes because I was so afraid she was going to tell me I was pregnant with twins. I said, “Please tell me there is just one in there, I can’t look.” She started the ultrasound and gave me the all clear by saying, “Look at that… ONE 10 week fetus that looks just perfect.” I felt an immediate moment of relief. I heard 2 key words, “ONE, and perfect.” It was the comfort I needed so I could breathe and I opened my eyes to see all the measurements and heartbeat. I laid there in shock and felt so happy but was sad to be alone. My husband and I don’t live near anyone we know so this pregnancy is going to be something I face by myself very often. He will always be there for me as much as he can but if you know anything about the life of a railroad worker, there is little mercy for holidays, family and a personal life. He does have a lot of vacation because of his 25 year tenure but we are trying to save the extra time for when the baby is born so he can be home afterwards and still get paid. I did call him right away and he wasn’t able to answer so we talked later in the afternoon and I shared the ultrasound pictures and told him what the doctor said. I did fine during the ultrasound but I went to the bathroom afterwards and had a good cry. It made me feel better and I think it was relief, not sadness.

The ultrasound confirmed what I thought based on my own calculation. I was exactly 10 weeks, 3 days pregnant and due 12/13/19. This means I’m having a baby within days of my birthday which is 12/11 and my moms birthday, 12/9. The world definitely needs another fiery Sagittarius, or does it? LOL I may be meeting my match this year.

The measurements and heartbeat all appeared normal and my OBGYN was thrilled with my health and overall results. Her opinion was that we need to treat this as a normal and healthy pregnancy and do the genetic testing and high level ultrasounds to rule out potential age related risks, mainly down syndrome. I was glad to hear that most testing is done through blood work and I would not be subjected to an amniocentesis unless it was absolutely necessary based on other test results. My doctor is part of a woman’s medical group that has a specialized OBGYN team treating pregnancy over 40. Since I am near the end of my 1st trimester she put a rush on my next steps for testing and my next 3 appointments are already scheduled. She tells me we should know the sex of the baby within the next 2 weeks with this testing and that’s earlier than detection with an ultrasound in a “normal” pregnancy. I initially wanted the sex to be a surprise but now that I’m trying to plan my life for this major change, I feel like I need to know and I am excited to find out.

My next ultrasound is 5/31 and on a day my husband doesn’t work so we will be able to share the experience. From there, I am waiting for the genetic testing and high level ultrasound to be scheduled which has to be approved by my insurance. I need all this stuff and it’s infuriating to think that the insurance we pay for every month gets to decide what they will cover. I have really great private insurance with low deductibles in comparison to most but the out of pocket expenses get to be overwhelming. I am hoping I don’t need to fight to get the care I need. I’ll think positive for now.

My one saving grace in being so sick earlier this year is that I have paid out of pocket for so many medical procedures that I have nearly reached my out of pocket maximum for the year. Having this baby in 2019 will cost us less than any other year for medical expenses and I’ll take every break I can at this point.

The next big question.. Is it a boy or a girl? We’ve chosen names we like and once I know the gender, I’ll share with the given name. Until then, we wait.